moon bay thoughts

Challah! I am in beautiful L.A. and I have finally found the perfect fedora to fit my supple and acute head size.  I am heading back to Colorado tomorrow and then leave the 19th to go to Maine to go stay with my moms while I get testing done on me to see what the fudge is up with my nervous system...I'm okay but I might have something wrong with my endocrine system...any whoo I am sad to leave L.A. though this town is one hell of a pain in the ass it has much to offer.  It's hard to move to a new place and settle in, especially when you have insomnia and depression and constant adrenalin surging through your system.  I think what happened when I came here was that I over-exhausted myself.  But I have learned loads and know that I can adapt to most environments.  But L.A. is a tough city, traffic up the wazoo, rude angry people, dogs being dragged on leashes or kept in purses, the entertainment industry is rough...I came here to see it, to see what I'm up against as an artist, without a plan as to whether I would stay or go or for how long.  I learned that you have to have the skin of an elephant in the entertainment world, with the heart of a rose on the inside.   Though stress has bogged down my health in this chaos of a world, I will never give up my creativity and will continue to search and learn ways to adapt to new places and situations in healthier and more gentle ways.  My vision is a little clearer now, even though I have this shaky quivery feeling inside. Though I am leaving this crazy town, I am still on an adventure, an adventure to recover, everything that I didn't get as a child, everything that seems lost and confusing, I am on a journey, to find myself...which is empty from its own side.

man I know some idiots

Man I know sum idiots, like stupid muthafockas, but those same people are the very people that make me laugh so hard that I might pee me pants.  I dont understand it.  How can someone can be so stupid, and genius at the same time.  

Listen mother fudger!

Look you, yes you, I;m talking to you, you mortal reading this jibber jabber! I have to tell you something...I am motha-loving sick of negative people, mainly because they break my heart and I want to shun them from ever speaking a word again, but also because there is really another option, and it's called listening and not making such a quick judgemnt.  Think about how much of the day we spend thinking of poor little me and what am I going to do today...just bloody be here, body and all, let yourself go for a little bit, allow yourself to see this paradise around you and that really theres a lot to be greatful.  Think to yourself every morning that "today I am leeting go of the old me and going to experience the new.  Don't be afraid to jam out to your favorite music in the midst of a traffic jam where everyone can see and hear you.  Don't be afraid to be a little smart ass when you have the chance.  Be playful.  Have a sense of humor, a kind sense of humor, filled with adoration.  Abandon yourself to your desires, your objectives.  Cook yourself a meal, Hold your owb hand damnit! Look around you! Yes you! Look at all the suffering in the world, not only human...and then look at your own, because you are a part of this world too, looka around and tell me that when you see this that your heart doesnt break.  Bow that's fine, to feel some sort of compassion for our situations, but then you cant just stop there...do a fudging double take. Look again!  And really open your eyes this time.  You'll begin to see the beauty too, the magic of this existence, the fact that we are alive and can celebrate that, and all the love that is already in our lives, and the good that;s in our lives.  think that next time you walk into a room, and make an honest aim to connect positively with whomever you meet, because you can, and because you have the ability to cheer others up.  Oh and by the way have I told you how incredibly amazing you are?